he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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