Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
