Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
