dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
