I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
