UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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