Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
