he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
