I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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