why didn't you poke me back
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
