I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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