i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
God, I missed his penis.
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