Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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