I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We need to rekindle our bromance
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
