I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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