you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
