i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
