I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
