do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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