and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
