I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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