i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize