Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dick very happy bro
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
