so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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