i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
