Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize