Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
