Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
