literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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