You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
