When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize