Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
