Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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