My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
