i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
the gays at disneyland are vicious
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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