i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Drunk is a universal language darling
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