Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
