Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
