WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
