i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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