whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
