Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
