T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
