Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
