i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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