It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize