i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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