Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
