Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
