Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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