where am i from again
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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