I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
