Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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