small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
