Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
