help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
