If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Are we still banned from the library?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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