All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
