it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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