Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
