I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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