sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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