Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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