Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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