There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
