There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
me + whiskey = a bad person
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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