I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
